Michael P. Dover 2019-02-20 08:03:08
When we lose someone close to us, in the beginning it isn’t so much a matter of moving on as simply getting through day by day.
To be alive and to grow inevitably involves pain. How do you say yes to growth? How can you be open to new life? When you take time to look at this universe, it is driven by the cycle of life. It builds up and then breaks, repeatedly. Every seed planted originates from a dead plant. It then pushes its way up through the ground, reaches maturity as a new one, then decays and eventually becomes part of new growth.
Relating to how the universe works can help you identify your loss or pain specifically. It’s common to be overwhelmed by a sense of depression or anxiety in these difficult times, but grieving over a loved one’s death is a natural part of life.
Express the emotion that accompanies your loss. Guilt can be troubling, and we have all played the “what if” game before. What if I’d done things differently? What if I were a better person? What if I had prayed more? We question our power to influence things beyond our control.
The sadness that overtakes us can seem unbearable. Well-meaning people feeling helpless at relieving your distress may tell you not to cry or feel bad, or that you should pull yourself together. But these suggestions ignore our need as human beings to express our grief. When ignored or denied, grief can harm us in a variety of ways.
Facing our loss is part of how we find our freedom again.
Consider your choices. You may not have a choice about the circumstances you’re in, but you do have a choice as to how you’ll cope with any given situation. Ask yourself some questions: What’s my attitude about this? Do I feel like everything always happens to me? Do I see myself as a victim? Is life unfair? The attitude we have will help or hinder how we cope.
We don’t have to like hardship. We only have to figure out a way to deal with it so that we use it as a challenge to grow. Every person’s life holds painful and challenging losses. Who we are today is the result of not only what has happened in our lives but also what we’ve done with what’s happened. We are only victims if we choose to be. Life hurts, and death is a part of it, but it need not be the center of your life.
We are fortunate when we begin to recognize the great power we have to cope healthily with life’s many losses and its beginnings. Then pain and loss can become the seeds for growth and new life.
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